I have been in UK for almost a month now and I miss him so so much. Today I chatted with him and it's actually a such dissapointment. I just realised that I'm no different than other girl to him. Apparently, he does go out with girls, just a simple hang out. Nothing special. So, which means that I'm just some friend who he can hang out with alone. Definitely not a date. When he said he watched two movies in one day with a girl, plus, he enjoyed it, it seriously hits me. I thought the watching two movies in a row is our "thing". How stupid I am to think that way. It seriously hits me real hard, serious hard. When I saw "she", it was depressing... I wish I didn't ask if he goes there alone. Let me just assume he went there alone won't make me this miserable. I'm just some girl he knew... SOME GIRL!!! Can't imagine if he really says that, I don't know how to react to it. It's seriously a joke. I have been putting so many afford on this and now only let me found out at this moment of time? Maybe this is the God message of saying that he is not the one.
I don't know how I feel now. It's confusing. After knowing "I went out with HER", he asked me to have a descend dinner. Does this shows that he cares about me? ARGGH!!! I shouldn't have know him in the first place. His presence makes my life full of doubt, confuse, joy, tears and hope. Is it a good thing or not? I have no idea. It's like when ever I'm with him, its almost always full of dissapointment with a cherry on top. Bitter and sweet come together. I wish things can go easy on me. I just like him, as simple as that. I just want to hug him right now. But unfortunately, he is not mine. He is just a guy who I adore and hoping he is the answer to all my misery.
Signed off,
My Voice
